All people have a God-given built in desire to be known, and our students are constantly asking “Does anyone care about me?” We are in ministry because we love students. To be loved means to be known. We are in this work so that teenagers can hear about God’s love through the Gospel. So let’s be about KNOWING our students. Here are some quick tips for helping you SEE, KNOW, and CONNECT with your students even more.
1.MAKE YOUR STUDENTS FEEL SEEN
If you want students to feel seen, be a ‘THERE YOU ARE’ kind of person, not a ‘HERE I AM’ kind of person. Walk into a room and don’t wait for a student to notice you, notice them first. Remind yourself and your leaders, it’s NOT about you, instead it’s ALL about knowing them. Tell stories in your talks that help students relate to the biblical message, instead of telling stories to be the funniest or most ridiculous.
Here are a few practical ways to be a “THERE YOU ARE” kind of leader:
GREETINGS: Greet students with eye contact and a fist bump, high-five, or hello. Take the initiative; go up to them first. Meet them where they are at with your greeting and match their energy.
NAMES: Ask his/her name, then use it. Nametags are effective here. Or take a photo of each student and have your team review them during the week.
OUTFITS: Positively comment on their shirt. If it’s a sports team, ask if it’s their favorite. If it’s a school hoodie, ask them how they like their school or if they would prefer a different kind of mascot. Students tend to wear what they want to be asked about. If a student is wearing something unique, offer a compliment. If that feels awkward, I suggest sharing your observation, such as “Your earrings are super dangly today!” You might just get back a comment like “I got them for my birthday”, and then you can ask about how they were celebrated by family or friends.
PRO TIP: Talking Points
New Clothes: Look for new shoes or outfits in Sept, and find ways to compliment them.
Big Events: Know when big games are coming up like the Super Bowl, March Madness, or local school rivalries, even if you aren’t a sports person. Ask students what they think.
Breaks: Know when school breaks are and ask how students will be spending their time.
Birthdays: Know when their birthdays are, and ask about how they will be celebrating.
2.THE VALUE OF KNOWING YOUR STUDENTS
Knowing students is more than just knowing info about them, but that’s the best place to start. Making them feel seen and known affords you drops in the bucket of trust and care. It might feel like you are playing 100 questions one-way, but that’s what we do. We want to know them, not for what they do, but for who God created them to be. Because when you are trusted with the surface, you might be trusted with the deeper.
EXAMPLE
If you hear that a student is going through a challenging time, it’s ok to know that, too, even if the source wasn’t the student. Acknowledging the hardship helps students not have to say it again and again. I would find students and walk with them down the hall and say “So, heard it’s been tough lately.” I’ve never had a student say “Why do you know?” They want you to know; they just don’t want to tell you. Then you can gauge if they want to talk more or you can offer yourself to be available and let them know your prayers are with them.
GOING DEEPER
After you have learned some facts, listened, made them feel seen, and supported them by being available, It’s time to go to the next level. This can include talking about how they are feeling about an experience versus just reporting it. Next level questions may include: asking them their take on what they shared, asking what they want to do about it, or asking how you can pray for them. When the timing is right, offer some encouragement, advice, scripture, and remind them that God cares about them. Follow up a week or so later. That will help reinforce that you are there for them and care about them personally.
CLOSING CHALLENGE
Students live in a world that lumps them all together as students, teenagers, or by grade level and doesn’t see their individuality. We get to see their individuality. We can acknowledge it, compliment it, and help them be known by a caring adult. They might all look the same with their middle school or high school “uniforms” but they aren’t. We know that. So, let’s start being “THERE YOU ARE” leaders and giving students the opportunity to be known, especially by our living God.
PRO TIP:
Making students feel SEEN and KNOWN in our ministries starts with us.
3.RELATIONAL RESOURCE
3 QUICK TOOLS FOR CONNECTING WITH STUDENTS
Adapted from: “Relational Basics” article in YouthWorker, Mar/Apr ‘02 by Doug Fields
Words to Use With Students
•I BELIEVE IN YOU
•I SEE YOU
•YOU CAN DO IT
•I VALUE YOUR INPUT
•I’M GLAD YOU’RE HERE
Questions to Ask Students
•What do you like to do for fun?
•Can you tell me more about that?
•What do you think about this topic?
•What has God been teaching you lately?
•What are the potential consequences?
Ways to Remember Names
•Say the name quickly
•Use the name frequently in conversation
•Write it down or type it into your phone
•Connect the name to their favorite things (ex. Susie likes chocolate, Tim likes soccer)
Author: Dianne DeKoning (Lead222 Coach) • Posted: March 2026
